Letter of complaint..

To Mr B A Bishop,proprietor

Dear Mr  Bishop,

I visited your establishment this week, and was disappointed with the lack of variety of product.
I am a weekly visitor to my local branch, and yet despite my searching, I can only find the generic "lite" version available.

Try as I might, I just dislike the watered-down, saccharine- filled, artificially coloured version.

I find it leaves me feeling quite ill. I would rather not drink it, but I get so thirsty, and since it is always thrust into my hand by one of your establishment's cheerful smiling greeters, I feel it would be impolite to refuse, and like I said, there doesn't seem to be any alternative available.

I would like to request that you stock Plain Water, at least somewhere, as I find nearly all establishments stocking the same thing.

I find Plain Water to be very refreshing. It quenches my thirst, unlike your brightly coloured generic "lite". 

I realise for you to do so would mean you could be met with a boycott, because I've heard that the "youf wuv it",whatever that means, and that Plain Water is old-fashioned, especially when I have tried suggesting stocking a little Plain Water to individual local establishments.

As a Plain Water drinker, I have noticed that your "lite" drink seems to have some unpleasant side effects. 
It seems to make people, what we say locally as "hyper". When partaking, they seem to make increased levels of noise and movement. People keep trying to shake my hand for example, and people clap inappropriately sometimes too. Your "lite" drink, despite the hype, would appear to have some unwanted additives. 

I'll be blunt. I don't want my children drinking this crap, but if you fail to stock Plain Water, what choice do I have? Your dodgy fizz is unfortunately better than no drink at all.
Is it too much to ask that you just make a small amount of Plain Water available to those of us who require it.

Signed
Concerned parent