"The greatest persecution of the Church does not come from external enemies, but is born of sin within the church"-Pope Benedict xvi

Monday, 9 January 2012

Helpful tips for writing about large families.

Dear journalist, here are some tips for writing an article about large families.
  1. Always mention how much the family spend on groceries per week/month. The unspoken implication being that large familes are an unceasing finanical burden.Don't mention the fact that other smaller families spend just as much, or the single person buys expensive stuff they won't eat. Remember-big familes=bad and cause of all the world's problems.
  2. Milk. Always mention how many pints of milk the family get through in a week. The public need to know these things. Add an amusing titbit like, "That's about 27 cows worth!" If the family don't drink milk, mention this also, and imply they are weird, or a religious nutcase,or that their child's allergies happened because Daddy and Mummy have too many children.
  3. Mention the Mother's weight. If she is a bit podgy, it is becuse she has had so many children. If she is thin,write something like, "Despite the fact she has loads of children, Mary is a size 8"
  4. Benefits. Particularly of interest to Daily Mail journalists. Always mention that the family is on benefits, and how much they scrounge off the taxpayer get. If the family don't claim benefits, act surprised, something like, "Despite the fact that they are clearly idiots, have lots of children, John and Mary don't claim benefits", the implication being that even when they are not a burden on the state, they should be.
  5. Always ask their family planning intentions. "Susan and Tom are still planning more children." Use the word planning,even though they said, "We'll see", or "We don't know yet".
  6. Mention their religious persusion. If they are Mormon or Catholic, that is good.They are clearly brainwashed by some bloke in a big pointy hat. No one would actually want all those burdens children otherwise.
  7. Leave the combox open. If the family had any remaining dignity left, then they can wave it goodbye.

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